Right, let's see how this works...

The rules are as follows: the 14 first people to comment on this shall have four of their deviations featured here. When you comment, do the same in your journal with me in the first place. Simple, ain't it?

Not being a subscriber, I can't apparently do thumbnails, so you'll have to actually click links. Holy shit.

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Hello.

I feel happy.

That is all.

Hi.

I have things I need to write down in order to clear my head somewhat, get my thoughts in order. All that. The things I'm about to write down are intensely personal, so if you don't like reading that sort of stuff, stop now. Nothing of any real interest will follow. If you do read, I would appreciate a certain discretion.

Let me open with this: I had a girlfriend. I no longer do.

About 4, 5 months ago I decided to jump at an opportunity to get into a relatively prestigious arts school in England. My girlfriend and I didn't talk about it much, but I was given the impression that she would come along, if not necessarily at the exact same time as I when would leave. I was blind to how she started withdrawing within herself, we stopped talking as much, we were less intimate, etc. In the spring, I went on a class trip to Amsterdam. The day I returned, we got engaged. Her idea. It was the single happiest moment of my life.

A little while later, she went on her class trip, a cruise to Sweden. This is where things begin happening that I was not aware of. She had an affair with a guy from her school. I sensed nothing amiss. She later began "visiting her friends" a lot more. I chalked it up to her wanting to meet back up with friends. After all, that's understandable. At some point, I begin missing her, which manifested itself in paranoia, born from a dream in which she was with someone else. I still know nothing, and tell her of the dream, and she assures me she'd never cheat on me. Midsummer comes along, she went to her friends' summer cottage or whatever, somewhere. I went to some other friends. It was all right, though I missed her.

A week later. I find a picture on Facebook of her kissing another man.

Perhaps needless to say, I was rather angry. She wasn't home, which was lucky or I would not have had time to compose myself, and calm down. I briefly talked to her on the phone, and she told me the gist of all of this. A few sleepless nights later, we meet.

And I am okay with it.

I am not angry.

Not sad.

Only frustrated at myself for not seeing this happening before it was too late. And too late it was. Of course I would never have wanted this to happen, but at this point there is nothing I can do but let go. Struggling would only lead to anger, and sorrow. I learn they've been together behind my back since her class trip, some two months before. But despite it all, I cannot hate him. I cannot hate her. I can only forgive them, as this man is a pillar of support she needs, one I can no longer be, however much I wished I could.

This was a week ago. Today, I finally cried. Today, I finally let my feelings wash over me, let them pour out. We talked about how we still love each other, and probably will for the forseeable future. We talked of regret, of mistakes, of how we wish this hadn't happened.

None of it changed a thing. I am... calm. The man in question, I've conversed with him, met him once, and I believe he can offer her a happiness I cannot.

She and I are perhaps best friends now. I feel I can tell her things I cannot to anyone else, save possibly the internet through the miracle of anonymity.

I hope I can find a similar happiness, but I cannot forsee it happening soon.

It will take time.

Thank you for reading.

So, it's been what... 5 months since my last update?

No actual deviations for you today, just the half-witted ramblings of a man just woken from the wondrous land of dreams. Deviations ARE on the way, I've more than a full sketchbook of stuff I've made in the last 4 months alone. I just need to finish some of them up, and get them scanned. The problem is putting the finishing touches there. Most of the time, I'm too creatively worn out at the end of the day to do much of that, and at school it's too distracting, what with all the learning techniques and such. Going to an arty school. Dunno if I've mentioned it. Regardless, I've gotten a taste for more craft-like areas of art, specifically silversmithing, around which some courses centred. Made some pretty sweet rings, of a quality decidedly disproportionate to my level of experience and exposure. I enjoy it so much, in fact, that I'm applying via the school to the UCA, a collection of artsy universities in England. Our school have a special agreement with them that means I can potiontially skip sending my portfolio of works directly to them, and just get recommended by our teachers, which would guarantee getting in. I don't actually know if I'm already at the level of quality required, but this isn't an opportunity I'm going to miss. I'll probably put up a picture of the rings I made. Sadly, one that I put particular effort and care in making went missing.

That's it for now, I guess. I'll stay in touch.
(...he said before turning his back and disappearing forever)


EDIT: Oh, hey, what, update? Where? Lies!

Once again, since it's been exactly one thousand years since last I walked the Earth, I come to you with gifts of art.

Enjoy them, sheep.

Also, 1,500 pageviews? Damn, people.